think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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