fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
