Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
