when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
