you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
