Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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