I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
