do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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