How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
