there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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