she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
