she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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