where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
two words: eviction party
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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