she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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