Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
