i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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