Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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