Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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