he shaved USA in his pubs
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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