i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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