Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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