Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
