So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??