I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means