Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.