Nicole vs. Life
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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