I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize