Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize