Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
