I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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