Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
