i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
