New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
