I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
