she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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