Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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