omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
