I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
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It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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