you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
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just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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