Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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