Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
