If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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