I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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