just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
