I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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