i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
