and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
