he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
