Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
did i walk over a car last night?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
