I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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