i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
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My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I need to calm my uterus...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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