My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
