Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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