I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
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i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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