Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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