i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize