He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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