I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
