There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
