i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
