the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
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Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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