allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This girl is more easily done than said...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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