Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
