Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
